February 3 (Wednesday)
When I was pregnant with our fourth child, we went in for a routine ultrasound. We took our older kids (Caleb, Chloe, and Eli) with us. Having been through numerous ultrasounds before, I could tell something was not right. I expected there was something wrong, but we could fix it. I was not prepared to hear that the baby had already passed away and that I would have to go to Madison to deliver because it would be a high risk delivery. Even though this was a really bad experience to go through, there were so many good lessons that came out of it. I learned that when I really needed God, he was there for me (that night and all the days I grieved after). I learned how much we are loved by each other, our family, and our friends and that we can depend on each other for anything. I learned how it feels to lose a child and that even though you are tremendously sad, things do get better. I learned that even though people have never met her, they are still touched by Phoebe's life just by us telling her story. I also learned how this experience has given Scott a lot more credit when he counsels people in his ministry. I wish we did not have to lose Phoebe to learn some of these lessons, but I can see how it was necessary and how it has made us more approachable, more empathetic, and more compassionate when we talk with people who have lost loved ones.